OH BROTHER!

before i post..i have an unhealthy obsession with this car commercial!


wipe your tears now...(sniffle)

As you know I have been teaching English...I don't know if you would really call it teaching though... its more like we go to class for 12 hours with no tests or class on Friday. And we get paid.

sighh....our days are so taxing.

But my students are pretty funny. Lets see here..Lets see. Well the first week they had to ask me questions about myself.

Some spit-fire questions from my students in Arroyo de la Luz

" Do you like Spain?"..obviously
" Do you like Spanish food?" ...I've been here three weeks and have only eaten ham..so uh I like the cheese.
" Do you like Spanish?" ..no I hate Spanish thats why I came to a Spanish speaking country.
" Where do you live in Spain?" Caceres.
" Are your parents living in Spain?" WHAT? No..again I am from.. you know what nevermind.

After the enormous wave of "Do you like Spain(ish)..etc." they get just downright comfortable.

" Do you like party?" ...um yes.
" What are parties like in America?"...ummmmm we go to bed earlier than you.
" Do you like beer?" yes.

" Do you like spliff?" ....okayyyyyy

continuing...

" Do you have boyfriend?"...no
" Are you married?" ...no!
" Do you have baby?" WTF.

and continuing...

" Do you like Spanish men?" (eyeroll) yes.
" Do you prefer Spanish men over American men?" are you seriously asking me this? how old are you again??? 11?

Oh the constant entertainment. My roommate Courtney had some dousy's as well. Courtney has been doing the program for three years and as a seasoned veteran shes heard it all.

Courtney's story:

Courtney: So class what did you do this summer?
Student: This summer I went to Miami and saw the bitches fighting on the street.
Courtney: Did you mean beaches. You went to the beach.
Student: No I at breakfast I saw the bitches fighting on the street. Bitches ..PUTA... bitches!

Teacher: Bitches is not a nice word. A better word is prostitute or whore...(teacher then writes WHORE on the blackboard).

Then another student apparently asked (because Courtney is from Florida):
"I heard on the Simpson's that Florida is the penis of the United States" -NICE!

After I finished peeing my pants after this story I decided to grade some papers from my Bachellerato class. My Bachellerato class consists of students practicing for a test (equivalent to the SAT) and they MUST pass English...

well we've got some work to do..

Essay question: Do you think noise is necessary for enjoyment?
(yup I had crickets cheerping in my ears too when I thought about it)

BUT heres what they said..of course I took notes.

"However, there are places where teenagers makes "botellon" some party in those places there is a lot of noise because some people think that loud music is better."

This kid used the word Botellon..which is Spanish and it is an outdoor party. Good Job. Totally appropriate for an exam.

This girl wants to say that noise is necessary for enjoyment because it can help her find clubs and parties

“ On the other hand, noise is able to be good. For example, noise is able to do you find a party or a clubnight or to even find somebody.

This girl was trying to say to be loud was fashionable..as if all the cool kids are loud.

“ we can say (that) the noise is related to the fashion because everybody want to go to noisy places to enjoy. “

And then theres this girl:

"I think that noise is not totally necessary for enjoyment because there are other forms for enjoyment as for example if you talk calmly with a friend, or if you are with your boyfriend or girlfriend it is not necessary it does noise for enjoyment because all is told by only a glance often, reading is very enjoyable too and it is not noise either." (ONE SENTENCE!)

Too many romance novels my dear..

Then we have this dosy:

"I think that yes, because when go to the party noise or music enter into the body and help have fun. But also molest, because there is much noise, it can molest neighbors. If the noise or music molest, you have a big problem because the police can denounce , or call attention, but this not need be so."

Apparently this kid thinks sound can molest

and i have no words for this one below:

"I think that people aren’t noise for enjoyment. In the first place, noise don’t like to nobody. It is some pesky for ours hear. We can have headache and we can finish all crazy. In the discoteques is normal hat the music sing loud. When you go to the disoctques you know that the music pesky but you go here because you want it. When you have a small brother for the night you don’t sleep because he cry and he make noise."

I mean I guess he tried using personification....
And now this one:

"In my opinion make noise isn’t necessary for enjoyment. Why moreover at night the people must dream and loud music for a long time is estthesing. Moreover te motocycles very noisy."

This kid finalized his essay about motorcycles. Even though he wrote entirely on parties. Motorcycles. Yeah! It all makes sense now. Thank you.

This girl below liked to replace her M's with W's...what a strange wistake..i mean mistake!:

"When a group of people weet with other people and they speak, they wake a lot of noise. They weet for enjoywent, then the noise is necessary."

And this kid below just wrapped it up in one clear concise sentence. The winning conclusion is...

"In conclusion everybody is very bad listen loud music"

In conclusion, I read 50 essays a total of 12 hours of reading bad English. Needless to say I decimated their essays in red ink. I used about one full red pen's worth of corrections.

In their defense the excerpt they had to read was downright aweful and confusing...part of it was talking about crops and how they smell. How that related to noise..I do not know. And to the motorcycle boy's defense. It did randomly mention motorcycles for one brief sentence. I don't know.

Anyway now I feel as if I can work for the CIA or FBI in their decoding department. Experience...12 hours of translating poorly written english essays about whether NOISE IS NECESSARY FOR ENJOYMENT.

This week is Halloween. I having them bob for apples, trick or treat, AND monster mash. Whose the most awesome teacher ever. (pointing finger at self in a proud confident manner..hells yeah)

Next post..I dont know. I'll surprise you guys.