IVE MOVED!

Sorry Blogger fanatics I've moved to Wordpress. It just is better. So my blog is now at

http://maiflower.wordpress.com/

Please still read!

exceptional reading!

Sometimes when I am bored I like to flip through my school books. Normally they appear as a general English school book should..but then by off chance I find an extraordinary excerpt..particularly regarding the culture area and well...take a look for yourself.

What's Up ESO 1: Chapter 6 EXPLORERS

Peanut Butter and Jelly!
American soldiers invented this sandwich in World War II. It's a popular teatime snack for children in the U.S.A. (because we have tea-time in america...)

Ingredients (as if the name doesn't already give it away!...drumroll please)
- 2 slices of white bread (even though the picture displays wheat bread...god can't they get anything right?)
- 2 spoonfuls of stawberry jam or jelly
- 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter

and what..no directions! so i just have bread, pp&j and jelly in two spoons...awesome. totally inedible.

WHAT'S UP ESO 2 Chapter 7: Say Please!

When in Britain
Every Culture has different "rules" of behaviour. Here are some tips to help you if you go to Brtain.

1. When you meet someone for the first time, you should shake hands and say How do you do? If you know the person well, you can kiss them on the cheek, but only once not twice. Boys and men don't usually kiss or hug each other.

2. You musn't stand too close to people when you're chatting. If you do, people will move away from you. But don't worry, it's not because you smell!

3. You shouldn't make a lot of noise with your friends in public. People will stare angrily at you. And children musn't scream and run around, especially not in restaurants.

4. The British hide their emotions, so don't cry or laugh loudly in public. If you win the lottery, you would say Oh, that's great! And if your girlfriend or boyfriend leaves you, say Never Mind there are lots more fish in the sea and then go home and cry.

5. The three most important expressions in English are please, thank you and sorry. To be polite you have to use them all the time. And if you don't agree with someone, you musn't say I don't agree - say Yes, that's very interesting.

If you follow these simple rules, you won't have any problems in Britain.

Alright alright...fairly accurate. And while I am American and am not British I think its fair to say ..that not showing emotions in public but rather going home and CRYING...is a little harsh. WAAHHHH

WHAT'S UP ESO 2 Chapter 9 Get it right! (ohhhhhh the irony)

Which is the biggest city on the west coast of the USA? Washington or New York?

seriously....

i just hope this was a typo.

Now time to go watch LOST or something awesome like that :)

March 1st < March 2nd

Ok I firmly now believe the Mayans were right. 2012 baby. Now we have earthquakes, tsunamis, killer hurricanes, deadly blizzards, and everything in between..all in one year. And you know what..while the climate is having its own mental breakdown...I think this whole Armageddon type prophecy might also be linked to my life long journey of awkward/random situations

Were do I begin..well well well. OK so I always seem to find myself in the strangest situations..situations in which people say "Only you Mai. Only that would happen to you." And while those moments make life interesting sometimes I think..... " what on earth did I do in my past life to deserve this kind of karma."

But nevertheless I love these situations. It is what I love to write about.

So once again I am going to take you through two typical days in the life of Mai.

(now imagine type-writer sounds synonymous with apocalyptic type movies)

For some reason I have some days where "When it rains it pours." And man did it pour on March 1st.

Mai's list of unfortunate events, March 1st 2010.
- The compositions I need to correct are missing.. all 30 of them.
- I can't find my teacher's phone number or email to tell him they are missing.
- My Yoigo phone decides to stop working.
- Due to some bad circumstances my friends and I are neither going to Valencia or Monfrague... two trips turned into zero.
- I check my bank account to 1) see if la junta has paid us so I can pay rent in 3 days and 2) to see if I have enough money to fly to Valencia. Not only have I not been paid...but I only have 50 euros and 200 euro rent to pay in 3 days.
- Nicole and I try to book a cheaper trip to Sevilla... but wait the bus website will not work...nor the hostel website.
- My phone continues to not work
- ....and finally I burn my hand on the oven. WOOT

In the end, things cleared up....but now I have a blister on my finger. In the words of Snookie from Jersey Shore "wahhhh".

And then comes March 2nd....
My favorite type of day. My day of absolute randomness and awkardness...come to mama.

Mai's list of random things March 2nd 2010 begins...(drumroll)... NOW

May 2nd. Malpartida de Cáceres. 8:30 am.
8:30 - 12:30 Classes are normal. Students are actually participating today. We all sing "we will rock you" and " we are the champions" by Queen in relation to the Olympics....I mean who doesn't love Queen?! and who doesn't love waving the "air lighter"... the better cousin to the "air guitar".

12:31 Recreo (break or recess). I start to chat with my teachers like normal.

Oti my main teacher in Arroyo tells me: "Mai you dress European..is it because your from Boston? I hear Boston is the most European city of the United States."
Me: "I don't know. Maybe."

Oti: "Can I come to your wedding?"
and signal random alert. beep beep beep

Me: (surprised) "Of Course..but it won't be for a long time. I need to have a boyfriend before a husband"

Oti: "I find you a husband. I want an excuse to go to the United States. So you must get married soon."

Me: "haha...(awkward shrug)"

13:00 After some market shopping, gossiping, and joking around we head back to school. After recreo on Tuesdays I normally have a free period. I enter the teacher's room and I resume my normal position that I like to take on Tuesdays.

I wedge my bum into a comfy chair with the warm brasero and a newspaper. I am all comfortable until.....yup the creepy old teacher who always tries to talk to me comes walking over. man. here he comes again.

Creepy old man teacher: "mai. are you bored?"

Me: "no. im just tired"

Creepy old man then tries to tell me a joke using English phonetics..which would have been funny if I had known that the joke was supposed to sound like English. I didn't really get it but apparently the word for jaguar in Spanish sounds like "how are you" and that zorri (another word for Zorro) sounds like "sorry"..I don't know anyway this is the same teacher that gives me too much information and he tells me that "zorra" the word for a female fox is another word for "puta" or bitch.

I don't even know...

THEN another teacher across the sala de profesores shouts "MAI. como se dice 'PUTA' en Inglés" ....

and before I know it... I am yelling "bitch".."bitch" across the teachers loung..in an elementary school. wow.

Trying to make this seem relevant I then explain that you should be careful with the word beach (la playa) and bitch (puta) because they sound similar.

Creepy old man teacher than says: "Quieres estar morena necessitas tomar el sol de la playa"

me: " what?????"

Creepy old man teacher: "Es una broma. el sol de la playa. el sol...como el hijo."

me: " i don't understand."

creepy old man teacher: " a son of a bitch"

me: "seriously ...I understand the words but I have no idea what you are talking about"

Creepy old man: " el sol en la playa es' the sun of the beach' which sounds like 'the son of a bitch' si quieres estar morena necessitas tomar el sol de la playa..if you want to be tan you have to take in the sun of the beach (or the son of the bitch).

me: ohhhhhhh...wow

...that was a horrible joke.
but I secretly thought it was kind of awesome. I have a soft spot for lame jokes.

March 1st < March 2nd.

A day in the life

It all began yesterday.

While I normally post about my random scenarios I am going to post about my wonderful teacher Oti's unfortunate mishap. Yesterday, I received a text "please come at 8:40 tomorrow instead?" 8:40? I always come at 8:40 ....weird.

Anyway I arrive at Oti's apartment at exactly 8:40. Same as always. And same as always she was running late. We leave the house and Oti says

"My normal car is broken...we have to take an older car. Ill explain on the way to school. It's slower so that is why we have to leave early."

I think to myself oh is she embarrassed? Is this a 1980 station wagon and she wants to leave early to avoid stares? I mean the woman drives a brand new BMW..she has two.


We get to the car. Its a 1974 Volkswagon bug. YUP. The herbie car. As shown below.

NICEEEEEEEE

I am grinning ear to ear. This is going to be AWESOME. We get into the car. The seats have springs in them and the back seat has no seat belt. ha. ha. ha.

We start driving and we go up the ramp to leave the garage and the car stalls...

stalls and then starts rolling BACKWARDS and she shouts "Venga mi caballero!" "Come on my knight!"

She has to put on the emergency break and after THREE times (after rolling 3/4ths down) she is able to get up the ramp....phew

Remember the minor seatbelt detail?? yeah.

Then the stalling continues.

Once in an intersection...once going up another hill....and another in the rotary.

All optimal places to be stuck.

Now the daughter is laughing hysterically..and I'm bouncing around the backseat because 1) there are springs in the seat and 2)I have no seat belt.

Eventually we get to the daughters school and I move up to the front seat. Now for why the normal BMW is not working and why we are in the 1974 Herbie car.

Oti begins to tell me..

"So you know in the Parte Antigua..those pillars that block cars from entering. Those pillars can go down if you have a key and you can drive over them....WELL I was following a van in and I thought it was the time when you could enter the Parte Antigua so I just drove after him. Well he had a key and made the pillars go up to block other cars. Well the pillars ended up rising underneath the car..crushing everything and lifting the back end of my car into the air."

I am trying so hard not to laugh.

She continues...

" So I had to call the mechanic to take it to the shop and my husbands in Madrid so I was all upset. And then the mechanic starts to list of all the things that are wrong with the car and I start to cry. Anyway so now we are taking this car. Sometimes I think it will fly away like in the movie Herbie"

I think.. at least shes in good spirits now. But what a ridiculous story.

And then it continues...

Later in the day we get coffee and come back to find the students surrounding her car.

We think they are just interested because its an antique until we hear a student shout "paloma" which means pigeon. I think..what????

We get closer and there is a PIGEON stuck in the exhaust. Oh.my.god.
You could see the little feathers sticking out.

I start laughing again....poor pigeon, poor Oti. She bends down to try to pull the bird out but all she gets are feathers.

Now I have to leave the scene because I was laughing uncontrollably. Oti later has to get the janitor to pull out the bird which later left a pile of feathers and grease. So sad.

Fortunately Oti is a good sport and I got a few giggles for the day. And hopefully I will get more rides in the beetle! As long as we don't stall in anymore intersections....or ramps